Thursday, October 25, 2007

5 Ways to Annoy Your Veterinarian

1. Bring your pet in because "he's just not himself." After I do a physical exam on your pet, be sure to decline any sort of diagnostic tests I suggest. I am only suggesting these tests to charge you more money, not to get any sort of idea of what is ailing your pet. Also decline any sort of treatment, no matter how conservative. Again, I am only trying to get more of your money. If I am not going to be allowed to figure out what is wrong with Fluffy nor am I going to be allowed to treat Fluffy, then WHY, exactly, are you here?

2. Be sure to complete a few visits following the suggestions in #1. Then make oodles of snide comments about how you should have a "wing named after me at this clinic" because of how much money you've spent with us.

3. Tell me all about how Fluffy is a member of your family. You would do anything for Fluffy. Then, when Fluffy is very sick, tell me how you just don't have that kind of money to spend on a dog. Be sure to shed a little tear while you tell me this. Then tuck your cell phone back into your Gucci handbag. Hurry out the door because you are late for your spa appointment to have your lovely highlighted hair and your perfectly manicured nails touched up. Drive away in your new Mercedes.

4. Tell me that you think it's stupid to do anything I suggest to keep your pet healthy because it's "just a dog" or "just a cat". Um, I'm a veterinarian, you ass. Clearly, I don't feel like pets are "just" anything.

5. Refuse my advice over that of a pet store clerk, a friend of a friend, your neighbor three doors down, someone who breeds the same kind of dog, etc...not that they can't be sources of good advice, but why would you come see me if you are already sold on their advice?

5 comments:

Jonna said...

Well. If you're anywhere near where we're moving in the NE, then I'd be glad to have you as my vet, and I'm certain you'd be glad to have me.

I routinely bring my pet in for #1, but unlike those you complain about, I will readily approve a battery of tests for my little peanuts.

I give you a lot of credit for having that much patience.

Nellyru said...

Well, thanks Jonna!
I actually really really love my job and almost everyone that I meet. Just venting here! =)

I'm in NY, by the way.

Antique said...

When we had to put our Schipperke down four years ago in January (sniff sniff) our vet was so very kind to us and treated us with so much dignity and respect and made a very difficult task bearable. She went to great lengths to help us find a cure but there just wasn't one. She sat on the floor and cried with us as we admistered the shot. The vets that have cared for our pets deserve every penny we have spent with them and more. Anytime you'd like to move back to the south, we'll be here!

Tasmiya said...

6. After spending thousands of dollars on diagnostics and referrals to specialist oncologists for your dog's tumour, end up refusing any treatment offered as your will be treating him "homeopathically"

Susiewearsthepants said...

LOL-really funny post. One of the reasons I refuse my daughter's request for a dog, is because I feel that having a dog is just like having another kid....and I just can't afford it. The difference between me and some of your customers is that I KNOW I can't afford it, so therefore, no dog.