1. Bring your pet in because "he's just not himself." After I do a physical exam on your pet, be sure to decline any sort of diagnostic tests I suggest. I am only suggesting these tests to charge you more money, not to get any sort of idea of what is ailing your pet. Also decline any sort of treatment, no matter how conservative. Again, I am only trying to get more of your money. If I am not going to be allowed to figure out what is wrong with Fluffy nor am I going to be allowed to treat Fluffy, then WHY, exactly, are you here?
2. Be sure to complete a few visits following the suggestions in #1. Then make oodles of snide comments about how you should have a "wing named after me at this clinic" because of how much money you've spent with us.
3. Tell me all about how Fluffy is a member of your family. You would do anything for Fluffy. Then, when Fluffy is very sick, tell me how you just don't have that kind of money to spend on a dog. Be sure to shed a little tear while you tell me this. Then tuck your cell phone back into your Gucci handbag. Hurry out the door because you are late for your spa appointment to have your lovely highlighted hair and your perfectly manicured nails touched up. Drive away in your new Mercedes.
4. Tell me that you think it's stupid to do anything I suggest to keep your pet healthy because it's "just a dog" or "just a cat". Um, I'm a veterinarian, you ass. Clearly, I don't feel like pets are "just" anything.
5. Refuse my advice over that of a pet store clerk, a friend of a friend, your neighbor three doors down, someone who breeds the same kind of dog, etc...not that they can't be sources of good advice, but why would you come see me if you are already sold on their advice?